You Know You Want To Read This
by Ranekaera
Summary: Pokebashing to the max! HACK JOB exclusives, because I feel like bashing anime. Why? Because it's funny!WARNING: Has no plot that I know of, and no sense. Randomness all the way! PLEASE R&R! UPDATED! THIS IS NOT A SERIOUS FIC. CH 9 IS UP!
1. No brains, no butts, no eyes

Alright, my desire to make fun of anime has overwhelmed my desire to give Mewtwo the mate he deserves... I'm going to delete my other fic because I have no idea where it's going.  
PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!

There ARE no limits to randomnbess or silliness here, no plot, foreshadowing or sense! There will be little to no sense in this thing, because anime is just... WRONG. Please review!!

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Ash and Misty were walking in the forest one day when suddenly, a Real Live human jumped out!! This human was three dimensional and unlike the trio, had body proportions akin to reality.

"What is that?" said Ash Ketchum, with the limited ammount of brain power he possesed; the rest was taken up by his oversized eye sockets.

"I am real. My name is SQUEE," it said.

"Hi! Nice to meet you, SQUEE, my name is Misty!" said the redhead brightly and stepped foreward to shake the thing's hand. She tripped over her overlong legs and fell on her overly-anorexic ass.

"Ha ha, Misty, ha ha," said SQUEE bleakly.

The three continued to walk along until they met yet ANOTHER Real Live human.

"Wow, who are you? You're beautiful," said Brock, He-Whos-Testes-Outweigh-His-Brain-Size. He rushed forward to shake her hand as well, but tripped over Pikasquirt because he had his eyes shut the whole time.

SQUEE and the unnamed Real Live human disappeared into the mists and were never seen again. The horror of Anime had scared them off for good.

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Well, what do u think?? PLEASE REVIEW!!!


	2. Mew is too cute

Hey, RANDOMNESS ROCKS. PLEASE REVIEW OR THE AUTHOR WILL SIC HER SANITY SUCKING PENGUINS OF DOOM ON YOU1

Author: Too right I will

Readers: Oh, please nooo!

Authior: review or I swear I'll do it!

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Mew floated along in it;'s perfect pink bubble, preening its fur and glorying in the beaty of the world as if it had never seen it before.

"Mew?" it squeaked. It was looking at a Quagmire.

"Quag!" it croaked.

"Mew!" the little pink kitten laughed like a deranged chipmunk and it scared Quagmire off. 

Then, it caught sight of its reflection in the water.

It was so disgustingly cute that its head imploded.

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Review... (holds hand tauntingly above a penguin kennel)


	3. This is the song that just won't end

(lauighs hysterically) alright, there is no end to my madness!! You already knew that. Just a quick little note, I adore mew and mewtwo. They are my total faves. Any poking or bashing in this is simply a way to laugh.

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Ash, Misty, May, her little brother Drew, Brock, and Tracey all stood in a town square in some unknown city that no one knew or cared about and watched a few performers perform. They were singing the pokerap.

Performer 1: Nidoqueen, Pikachu, Rattata, Golduck, Gigglypuff, Eyeballcu, Achoo, Rayquaza, Kyogre, Lugia, Hitmonchan, WAAHCHU, Starvingmon, (goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on...)

AN HOUR LATER:

Misty: Is this ever going to end?

Ash: (dies of boredom)

Brock: Eyeballchu doesn't exist!

Author: Neither do you!

Misty: shut up Ranekaera

Author: No!! YOU put some clothes on!

Misty is suddenly wearing a ski parka, snow pants and a ski mask to hide her ugly mug.

Brock: Aww, c'mon!! I liked looking at her belly!

Author: Too bad

Tracey: Hey, I think they're stopping!

Performers 1 and 2: Groudon, Slappykinsmon, Ekans, Orangutang, Arbok, Wheezing, Toxicmon, Gyarados, Voldemort, Harry Potter, Golddigger! Silentmon, Shadowpuff, wigglybuff, hitmoleeeee!!!!!! (continues to go on and on and on and on...)

Brock: Guess not.

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PLEASE REVIEW!!!!


	4. Emomon

One day Ash, Brock and Misty were heading to another far off city in their quest to be non-annoying preteens when a new pokemon jumped out of the brush ahead of them. It was tall and thin and covered in black fur. There was red fur on its arms and it had a short tail.

"What is that?" wondered Ash Ketchum, The-Boy-Who-Is-Always-THE-one.

He pulled out his pokedex.

"No data available," siad the talking machine.

"Well I'm gonna catch it." he said, pulling out an empty ball. It never occured to him that pokemon weren't things to collect.

The pokemon turned to face them and Ash saw it was holding a knife.

"Hey, it's got a knife!" squealed Misty, ducking for cover.

"I am Emomon. And the world sucks. Leave me alone," said the pokemon mournfully. It dragged the knife across its arms and sighed as it began to recite a poem.

"I am emo

Yes I am

I like thinking

the world is a sham

No one understands me

I never get any closure

So I think I'll content myself

With being a poser"

"That didn't even make any sense. I dunno if you wanna catch that one Ash. I just might have to strangle it," said Brock thoughtfully.

"POSER!! RUN AWAY!" yelled Ash, startled. Pikachu yelled out in terror and the rest of them ran away.

Emomon sighed again.

"Typical."

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DEATH TO EMOS AND POSERS!!!!! PLEASE REVIEW!


	5. Psychic doomy powers!

OK, I admit, this is me on 0 sleep. Enjoy and please review

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Mew was trying to reason with its bigger, meaner clone, but Mewtwow asn't hearing any of it. He aimed another shadow ball at the tiny pokemon's head. Mew dodged.

"Get him, Mew!" yelled some whiny scrawny red haired girl on the sidelines.

Mew, however, used his secret weapon; the Psybeam of Cuteness.

Mewtwo fell out of the air, shielding his eyes.

"No!!! Too... cute... can't... resist..." Mewtwo groaned.

Mew giggled and aimed a shadow ball of his own, but Mewtwo negated it and used his own secret weapon.

He destroyed the world!!!!!!!

"Noooo!"

"Noooo!"

"Meeeew!"

Mewtwo: (laughs diabolically)

Misty: Um... if Mewtwo destroyed the world, why are we still here?

Author: Enough with your pseudo-psycho babble!!! (erases her from story)

Mew: (blows it all away) Ah well, this chapter sucked anyway. Wanna go grab a soda, Mewtwo?:

Mewtwo: (looks around) Where?

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PLEASE REVIEW


	6. pokemon pearl sucks cause I dont have it

Hey, just updating this cause I don't do it enough. I'm actually a bit disappointed. No one's been reviewing lately. PLEASE DO SO!

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Mew: Ah well. This chapter sucked anyway. Wanna grab a soda Mewtwo?

Mewtwo: (looks around) Where?

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Mew: (shrugs) I dunno

Author (draws in a third pokemon, a shadow Lugia, because she lieks morbid random violence

ShadoLugia: (eats Mew)

Mewtwo: (is in shock) Um... thanks. He was really annoying

ShadowLugia: I will eat you as well, because I am heartless. You will never Purify me!

Mewtwo: (purifies Lugia)

Lugia: Ok... I guess you can. (shrugs and regurgitats Mew)

Mew: You ate me!!!!

Lugia: What are we doing in the middle of nowhere anyway? Did you REALLY have to destroy the world, Mewtwo?

Mewtwo: Yes. Yes I did.

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Later...

Lugia: (sits on the ground lapping bad coffee from a mug that appeared out of nowhere) So what are we waiting for?

Mewtwo: (munches on some pokesnacks and lounges around) Dunno. The lazy-ass author to grab a pencil or pen and draw some scenery so we can do something

Author: (erases one of Mewtwo's eyes in retaliation) Take that lazy quip back! I just didn't have any ideas for this chapter!

Mewtwo (drops bag of munchies and runs around) I'm blind ! I'm blind! Ahhh!!!!

Author: (laughs)

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Ok, it was random, but I really didn't have any ideas


	7. WHY?

Randomness knows no bounds. Actually, I just bought the mystery dungeon, red rescue game, and pokemon leaf green and it's so much harder than the original versions of pokemon... catch rates are different, so on and so forth... anyway, Just thought I'd make a chapter out of it

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Author: Come ON!!! (fingers stab button until fingers die)

Game: (plays annoying, battle music) Dragonair used HYPER BEAM! It has no effect on foe Dragonite! Foe Dragonite used SLAM! Dragonair receives 1,000,000,000 points damage!

Author: Damn it, damn, it damn it!!!!!!!!!!! Why?? Whyy?????? (saves, shuts game off and sobs) "I just can't win!

(switches games, opts for red rescue team instead) (is ready to face Zapdos on Mt Thunder with Pikachu, Charmander and Magnemite)

Author: (skips all the annoyingly slow adds that don;t go by fast enough)

(Author, playing as Pikachu named Saoirse, approaches Zapdos, with charmander and Magnemite to back her up. Zapdos doesn;t attack until I make a move. Pikachui takes one step forward, expecting her friends to help her kick Zapdos's feathery butt. Magnemite and charmander let Pikachu die.)

Pikachu: PIKAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!

Zapdos: OWNED!!!!!

ALL GOES BLACK

Author: WHHHHHYYYY?????? IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS GOOD, WHYY???????

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Hhahahah please review


	8. Anime artists are lazy ANIME PHYSICS!

Hey, I read an interesting article on Bulbapedia yesterday and HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!! whatever they may be.

Anyways, on that interesting article- anime physics. Ever wonder how Ash managed to throw Mewtwo, singelhandedly, into the Purity stream, when he weighs around 270 pounds? Anime doesn't give a shit- as long as the storyline continues. So I am here to poke fun at it (no pun intended).

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Ash was traveling the Orange Islands with Brock and Tracey Sketchit. On the way, they found a string of islands, and on that string of islands were enormous balls of fruit. Preying on all that fruit was an enormous Snorlax.

"I'm gonna catch it!" Ash exclaimed.

He threw the tiny pokeball at it and Snorlax disappeared in a flash of red energy. It was caught.

While Ash did his retarded Happy Dance with Pikachu, Brock decided it was no use trying to get a girl and decided to go with Tracey instead.

"Ash, help me!! Brock's gone crazy!" he cried.

"No beautiful girl will ever love me!!!" Brock cried, tears pouring from his closed eyes.

Suddenly, Snorlax escaped from his pokeball and body slammed the lot of them.

Pikachu watched curiously. Snorlax got up and it asked it a question.

_Did you hurt them?_

Snorlax shook it's head on it's nonexistent neck.

However, Ash, Brock and Misty were horribly mangled.

_"Who would have thought?"_ asked Pikachu, somewhat interestedly.

Snorlax shrugged.

_"The animators must have turned Anime Physics off. Ah well. Want some fruit?"_

"_Do I ever!"_

Pikachu and Snorlax gorged on fruit.

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Please review!


	9. PLEASE HELP ME!

Okay, I know this has nothing to do with the story, but I'm desperate here.

I have the pokemonh leadf green game, and so far, I've beaten the elite four, gotten the ruby, gave it to celio, explored all the islands, gotten one password for the rocket hideout and defeated the rocket near altering cave. But I get to the dotted hole in the ruins and there's a guy in the way of the door and he won't move no matter what I do or try! All he says is "I can't figure out how to get inside... let me tell you, I found this place. Don't look so envious, you!"

Why is he there? Why won't he move? I can't get on with my game until he moves! It's enough to make me tear my hair out! grr... I can't find anything about this guy in ANY walkthroughs I've seen, ANYWHERE... and he's blocking the way to the door and CUT doesn't work on the pillars to either side...

If anyone has any idea, PLEASE send me a review or an email telling me!


	10. Charmander sucks

Hey, for all those with the pokemon mystery dungeon red rescue team game for GBA, who have beaten the game (offed Rayquaza), have you ever noticed that when you put your partner's tactics onto "let's go together" that he tends to stab you in the back? I was THIS close to beating Kyogre and charmander flamed me to death... I mean, WTF!!! So here is a chapter for you all. Hope you enjoy it.

Oh yeah, I solved the previous chapter's dilemma, so thanks for the total of ZERO answers I got.

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Mewtwo and the mousy little Charmander were very very deep inside the chamber under the sea. Looking in whatever direciton he could, he saw nothing except dank, slimy walls and standing pools.

"How much farther do you think it is?" asked the charmander.

Mewtwo shrugged.

"Hell if I know," he replied.

"Gee, YOU'RE a lot of help," mumbled the little fire lizard.

Mewtwo grinned sarcastically and held up what would have been his middle finger if he had had five, but as he had only three, the charmander took little notice. Just went to show you that he was the most powerful and this little firebug was powerless.

Suddenly, up ahead, just in front of the stairs that his psychic powers told him would lead to the end of their ardruous journey, there stood an enormous Uraring. He prepared a Shadow ball, when from behind, he felt immense heat.

"What the frig are you doing?!" he demanded.

"Char char!"

The charmander flamed mewtwo to death.

LATER ON, BACK IN THE RESCUE TEAM BASE

"What the hell did you do that for? We were so close!" mewtwo demanded.

Charmander shrugged.

"Seemed like a good idea at the time. You can't blame me, blame the stupid game designers!"

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please review.


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